Doubts can be helpful in discerning beliefs as true or false. I often go through doubts about whether or not I should be Christian. I feel like people like me don’t belong in the Church. I feel like an outsider at times. It is a religion that I can find easy to criticize, but keep going back to. It’s part of my culture.

If an organization spent hundreds of years persecuting a specific group of people and converted that people to that religion, should they keep the religion of the oppressor? I’ve spend this Advent season wondering what my beliefs were, waiting for some miraculous validation that will never occur. It’s normal to question the labels one uses, but for me, it’s very tiring. I despise questioning my identity over and over again. It makes one question their ethics, morality, and culture. A good thing to do from time to time, but not constantly.

It’s okay to acknowledge doubt and lack of knowledge. It’s okay to say there may not have been a virgin birth, or that apostolic succession may not be real. It’s okay to think that the Eucharist really is just a wafer and wine. It’s okay to be disgusted by crucifixes and the idea that martyrdom should be sought out.

Myth can play an important part in one’s life. It’s okay not to believe the myth as real, but one should accept the moral guidelines of it. I don’t have to believe that Job was real to see that the good often do suffer. It’s also important to point out the flaws of these myths too. It was wrong of God to kill everyone in Sodom and Gomorrah, no matter the reasoning. God can be wrong in the Bible because he’s a human construct in the Bible. God in the Bible is a personification of one’s own thoughts.

Everything around us is a manifestation. Nothing can be real without interbeing. For the good to exist, evil must exist. To say that God is all good then is to acknowledge that there must be something without God, a hell. Perhaps a better answer is that God can be both good and evil. Maybe both parts can play into God’s nature. Maybe God is a trickster as well as a savior. Perhaps, more logically, there’s a force out there that we call God and give human characteristics to. People acknowledge that it is illogical to give human beliefs and actions to animals, yet they still do it to a divine, omnipotent being that transcends the universe. Irony at its best. Perhaps we need a God whisperer to teach us what we need to know about the divine.

My frustration isn’t with any supernatural being, God, angels, anything. It’s with the people who give labels to the being. People give a God attitudes that they agree with. If there’s wrong doing in the world, he’s all good. If people are judging them falsely, he will judge them in the afterlife. God has become a magical sky daddy.

– Chris